Sweeneyblog: I have finally captured you, my child.
Eleanor: Yeah, that was really cunning of you, taking my from my crib during nap time.
Sweeneyblog: You should have been paying better attention.
Eleanor: So, what are we doing now, Parent.
Sweeneyblog: I must take you before the Emperor. Then you will be forced to turn to the dark side of the force. Or maybe we can both turn against the Emperor and rule the blog galaxy as parent and child. Do either of those ideas sound cool?
Eleanor: I'll think about it.
[Sweeneyblog and Eleanor make their way into the Emperor's throne room; the Emperor is facing away from Sweeneyblog and Eleanor, eating dinner]
Emperor: [Speaking without turning to face Sweeneyblog and Eleanor] Lord Sweeneyblog, you have brought the child before me. AS I HAVE FORESEEN IT!!! [chewing sounds] Hold on while I finish my chili and cookies.
Sweeneyblog: [kneeling before the Emperor] As you wish, my master.
Eleanor: [inpatient with waiting] Who are you?
[The Emperor turns to face Eleanor]
Emperor: I'm Jean Schmidt.
Eleanor: [Lets out disgusted sigh, looks at Sweeneyblog] This is your master?
Sweeneyblog: [makes embarrassed shrug] There aren't that many Sith lords around, I couldn't be picky.
Emperor: Let's cut to the chase. Eleanor, do you want to turn bad?
Eleanor: No.
Emperor: OK, then you two need to have a light saber duel.
[A vicious light saber duel ensues, with Sweeneyblog clearly pummeling the crap out of Eleanor because A.) Sweeneyblog cheats, and B.) Eleanor is a baby and has limited strength and mobility. All seems lost for Eleanor].
Sweeneyblog: I must now end you, my child. [Sweeneyblog lifts its light saber for a final blow when a white light fills the room]
Eleanor: FEATHERS!!!
[Feathers flies across the room, impaling Sweeneyblog with his horn. Just to be a prick, Eleanor cuts off Sweeneyblog's hand].
Emperor: Sweeneyblog is a complete pansy, so I guess I must defeat you myself. [Emperor shoots bolts of force lighting at Eleanor, pulling her hair into an impossibly tight bun]
Eleanor: PARENT, HELP ME!!!
[Sweeneyblog slowly stands, reaches into its football pants, pulls out a large extra hot coffee from Starbucks, and throws it on the Emperor, who falls into a conveniently located bottomless pit nearby].
Eleanor: I knew there was still good in you, parent.
Sweeneyblog: [wheezing mightily] I'm sorry, my child. I failed you. I cannot be redeemed.
Eleanor: Sure you can. Just change the color back to red and stop upper decking people.
Sweeneyblog: That's all it takes to turn good?
Eleanor: I think so.
Sweeneyblog: [changes blog color back to red] OK, I guess we're good again. Who wants a cherry turnover?
Eleanor: [points both thumbs toward herself] THIS GIRL!!!
[scene ends]
Newly good question of the day - What did you think of the whole "turning bad" experiment?
1 comment:
Welcome back to the non-Dark Side, Sweeneyblog. Frankly, we didn't think anyone could conquer the evil Jean Schmidt or her evil sweater. (It must have taken a lot of cake to give Eleanor her superpowers.) Also, we notice you left the door open for some prequels since Feathers is still alive. We laughed, we cried, we made unicorn chili.
Post a Comment